Today I had the unpleasant experience of meeting the rudest family I have had cause to witness in some time. Grandma and Mom decided to take the four walking monkeys and one in a big SUV size stroller to the movies. As the rest of us rather civilized groups waited in the lobby to be called for our line, they hung from railings, laid on floors and generally irritated everyone around them. Once they called for line up, by which there is a process of having your tickets checked before they allow you through the lane to your row, rude Mom had the four monkeys and crazy Grandma, charge the line, going under the 5 rows of straps and chrome stands, clearly placed there for a reason. This show, all for the pleasure of being in the first place to ::gasp:: wait some more. Poor monkey in the stroller, Grandma took out two people and a couple of chrome stands on her way to wrangle the four walking/jumping/loud monkeys at the front of the line.

I am bothered by the undignified display (stop laughing those of you that know the level of “undignified” we are capable of, even I have standards). A movie theater is like church, I come to see a movie to both escape and hopefully feel better because of either 1. inspiration, 2. someone else’s misfortune, or 3. gratuitous sex. This is not the place for rowdy kids. Who needs 5 kids anyway? The cost of feeding these freaks must be expensive as hell.

Middle monkey responds to my grumbling with “maybe she is Catholic.” Maybe she is but is that a reason to keep having rude ass kids? Middle monkey then launches into her own question and answer session about believing the Pope has sanctioned the use of condoms to prevent the spread of disease. I give her the evil eye. I don’t want to be taken out by crazy Grandma wielding the baby filled stroller in the event they overhear our commentary…

Then, I notice something.

Chaos is going on around her but Mom is cool as a cucumber and smiling. Then I see it…she is wearing a flippin IPod and just turned up the volume!

I can’t complain now. Now there was some small bonding that has just taken place. I may not be Catholic with 5 kids, but I totally understand the wearing of said IPod to block out the noise.

More power to you sister, just stay out of my flippin way when you pop out number six…then, I will have you committed.